You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘friendship’ tag.

You know those times when it feels like someone just read your mind, like they saw deep into the recesses of your heart and every emotion living there?

Life is about relationships, and I hold my friendships sacred. Every now and then one of my friends will say something that lets me know they see me, they get me, they understand me.

Like a text I received a few days ago, when I was having a moment. She didn’t have any details. She just instinctively knew I needed some love.

Everyone should have support like this.

 

 

And then, it was all good.

I hope you find yourself supported and carried along in a bubble of love this week.

xo, with goodness and grace.

I am not easy to get to know.

There are many reasons for this—I’ve given it lots of thought over the years—but mostly, it requires a certain amount of vulnerability. And I don’t do that well. Coupled with the fact that I’ve managed to create a life full of busy-ness, this is not always conducive to making deep friendships.

I thought about this yesterday, as I was having breakfast with my friend Kathryn. We worked together years ago and were friendly enough, the way coworkers sometimes are. When she left that job and moved away, we lost touch, until last year when she was coming to town and reached out to say hello and to see if I wanted to meet up for lunch.

We met and spent an afternoon walking around the city and catching up. In the span of a few hours, we developed a deep bond, the kind where someone sees you, hears you, understands you.

We’ve stayed in touch, and she’s reached out many times since whenever she’s in town.  I, of course, have been too busy to make a plan. All perfectly valid reasons for why I couldn’t be spontaneous.

Finally, this weekend, I had the time.

As we caught up yesterday over eggs and smoked salmon, she spoke animatedly about what was going on in her life.  At one point she paused.

“I gotta tell you,’ she began.  “I’m so glad we can stay in touch and get together, when there are so many reasons not to.”

It made me think.  How many opportunities have i missed to get to know someone because of my schedule?  Perhaps busy isn’t a good enough reason to not develop friendships.

But i also know it’s deeper than that.  Sometimes it’s easier to be busy than it is to be open.

After breakfast, we walked through Central Park before I left her where she was staying.  We talked about relationships.  At one point I said, “You know we’ll see a few brides today.”  There are always brides in Central Park, especially on a beautiful weekend day.

We said our goodbyes, and I ran some errands.  As I made my way back home, i once again walked through the park.  Sure enough, my prediction came true.

IMG_7800

I looked at that couple and thought, it takes a special kind of vulnerability to get married.  I wondered if I could ever be that unguarded, that open.

Maybe I could start with my friends.

And then I thought, friendships are just as important—sometimes more—than romantic relationships.  Maybe I could open up just a little bit more.   Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to try.

xo, with goodness and grace.

I’ve been contemplating all the ways a person can make a life.  And, how so many of those scenarios can seem so right to an outsider, but feel so wrong to the person living the life.

I have been feeling off center the last few weeks—months even, if I’m being really honest—and it’s clear I need to make some changes.  For a person used to change and changing, this feels uncharacteristically unsettling.  Perhaps because this time around, I’m not just going with the flow and changing with circumstances, but looking at a life of my dreams.  For the first time, I’m looking at what I want—what I really, really, really want, deep in the core of my soul—which is not as easy as it sounds.

Following your heart isn’t easy when you can’t hear what it really wants.

Someone recently said to me that you get to choose the people and things and circumstances that are in your life.  This is a simple concept, but it made me think.  How much of what’s currently in my life chose me, rather than the other way around?  Do I really get to design my life?

Maybe it’s time to try.

This week a friend of mine invited me, along with a group of mutual friends, to an event at an ice skating rink in Central Park.  Though I grew up roller skating, I’d never been ice skating before.  (Cold weather and icy conditions are not my thing.)  But, I’m doing my best to say yes to new experiences these days.

Once I arrived at the rink, I was trepidatious about actually skating.  I’m saying yes to new experiences, but that doesn’t mean I jump in head first.  Cautious by nature, I usually have to study something before I try it, suss it out to get my bearings.

My friend wasn’t having it.  She went into coach mode, reassuring me that she’d taught others how to skate, and they flourished.

So I said, okay.

As I took my first (very tentative) strokes, she held my hand.  As I held on for dear life to the wall while I crawled along the rink, she held my hand.  When I needed a break and stopped at the rink’s edge, she held my hand.  And when I felt confident enough to try it again, she held my hand.  As I got better and started taking more assertive strides, she pulled me farther away from the wall, telling me it was okay to leave behind its safety—all the while, holding my hand.

As I set about redesigning my life, this reminds me of all the times I embarked on a new journey—and felt completely on my own.

Maybe throughout the difficult times in our lives, all we really need is someone to hold our hand and be with us throughout the scary parts.  To say, no matter what happens, even if you fall, I got you.  I got you.  Those words are like magic. Maybe they are the salvation through the jungle of uncertainty.

When you feel unsure, unsettled and unsteady this week, I hope you find support and an open hand to hold.

xo, with goodness and grace.

 

 

Every now and then there are moments so sweet no words can rightly capture the experience.

But I’ll try to find them.

On Monday, my pregnant friend Judy and I sat on a park bench, two women just hanging out.  We’d planned to meet, in search of food, our usual mission. Hoping to score one of the special burgers created in celebration of the Shake Shack’s 10 year anniversary, we had been disappointed to hear earlier in the day that they were going to sell out long before we would arrive.

After declaring she really just wanted dessert for dinner—even with pregnancy food restrictions, she’s still a fun eating partner—we caught up over Nutella and hazelnut gelato.  (Is there any other perfect dinner?)  Sitting in Madison Square Park, we squealed over squirrels that got a little too close, laughed about silly things, and gossiped about the people we know.

Then, she took my hand in hers and draped it over her belly, swollen with the growing baby.

I’m going to keep your hand here until you feel the baby kick, she said.

I’d never held onto a pregnant belly before.  It’s so personal, so intimate an act. Though we’ve known each other for 10 years and I easily show up for her as my full self—rarer and more challenging than I’d like to admit—this was an unexpected indication of the depth of our friendship.  It was an affirmation that said, You know this life that is growing inside me?  I want you to experience it, too.  

We stayed like that, her hand over mine, for at least 10 minutes.  I felt a fast heartbeat—we didn’t know if that was hers or the baby’s—and a flutter here and tiny movement there.

And then came the kick.  It wasn’t a dramatic force as I’d always imagined, but it filled me with awe.  It startled me.  It made me giddy.  It made me shriek, That was awesome!!  There it was, moving, growing, thriving, this new vibrant being we’ll get to meet in a few months.

And then we went about our evening as if that was the most normal thing in the world.

That is life.

IMG_6302

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

%d bloggers like this: