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You know those times when it feels like someone just read your mind, like they saw deep into the recesses of your heart and every emotion living there?

Life is about relationships, and I hold my friendships sacred. Every now and then one of my friends will say something that lets me know they see me, they get me, they understand me.

Like a text I received a few days ago, when I was having a moment. She didn’t have any details. She just instinctively knew I needed some love.

Everyone should have support like this.

 

 

And then, it was all good.

I hope you find yourself supported and carried along in a bubble of love this week.

xo, with goodness and grace.

My morning commute is my least favorite part of the day. If I have a pet peeve, someone is indulging it on the subway. Nail biters, nose pickers, close breathers—you name it, I see it.

I’ve started this thing—and I know this will sound cheesy—where I meditate on the train. I just close my eyes, try my best to breathe deeply, and I focus on a calming phrase. A mantra, if you will.  It’s harder than it sounds, getting quiet in the middle of morning chaos. But, I try.

My mantra these past few months has been, let go of what no longer serves you. It’s all about making room for new things.  So, I’ve just been focusing on that on my train ride, and when I get to my stop I feel calmer and more prepared to begin my day.

One day, as I’m repeating this over and over, another thought popped into my head. It was as clear as if someone had whispered it in my ear.

Joy is your birthright. 

I’m sorry, what????

Like Kevin Costner in the middle of all that corn in Field of Dreams, something spoke to me.

If I’m being really honest, sometimes this happens. (I know…now things are getting goofy.) Usually, though, it’s a hunch or a feeling that stands out from all the other chatter.  I’ve learned to pay attention when this happens.  Those instincts have never led me astray.  But this, this crystal clear voice all full of knowing and wisdom, was different.

Joy is your birthright.

It startled me. And then it made me giggle.

I hope joy surprises you, too.

xo, with goodness and grace.

Life can feel so hard.

I’ve had a situation I’ve been turning over and over (and over and over) in my head for the last few weeks. I’ve talked to my dad and my brother and my mother about it. I’ve talked to them and I’ve texted them and I’ve called them on the phone. I discussed it with a close friend and when we weren’t talking on the phone, I emailed her about it. Weeks of this. Weeks.

I had yet another conversation about it this weekend. And at the end of it, I felt deeply unsatisfied.

This unrest began to feel as bad as the problem itself. I couldn’t figure out why.

And then I did.

I realized no one was going to fix the situation for me. No amount of talking or texting or emailing was going to make it better. Only I would be able to find the best solution for me. Only me.

Sometimes you just have to be brave and make a decision. Life can be complicated and painful and situations may be out of our control. But we have domain over how we react to them.

Sometimes you just have to decide. Decide and surrender. And so I did.

In the meantime, I just look for the light.

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xo, with goodness and grace.

 

 

 

This is what my idea of heaven looks like these days: an hour where I have nowhere to go and nothing to do, when my the noise of my thoughts goes silent, where I can feel the sun on my face and the cool breeze tickling my skin. And I can just be. 

I got that this week. And it was good. 

  

May you find your own personal heaven this week.

xo, with goodness and grace. 

Sometimes I sit down to write this weekly post and I feel pressure to come up with the perfect moment or something deeply profound to change someone’s life. But it doesn’t work like that, does it? And then I get in my own way, to the point where I convince myself I have nothing worthwhile to say.

These are the times when writing is hard.

When I am unsure of what to write, I get quiet, turn off the bad TV (I’m talking to you, The Bachelorette!), and listen to the still, quiet voice which lives far away from the crazy talk I hear so often.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am cleaning out my apartment, intending to clear out all that has served its purpose to make room for the new things waiting for me. In the process, I have learned I’m a bit of a hoarder (being a writer in the shadows for so many years, a major hoarder of pens and notebooks), but the silver lining is I tend to save thank you notes that have moved me in some way. I’ve found notes from old bosses, congratulating me on projects well done—and one simply welcoming me back from vacation, saying I was “missed by all”—from old friends thanking me for support on major life events, and from beloved family members who have since transitioned on to some unknown place. As I sorted through all of these, I felt as moved as I’d been when I first received them.

Quite simply, I just felt grateful.

I’m grateful for:

…for rainbow sprinkles which never, ever fail to make me giddy.

…for the tough experiences that show me I am tougher than I know (though, most times I don’t know gratitude is lurking in the aftermath).

…for friends who feed me and give me wine and sea salt chocolate-covered marshmallows on a random Sunday night.

…for the sense of wonder in me that shows up for every sunset, moonrise and visible star I can see.

…for the love unceasingly appearing everywhere, if not always in ways I expect.

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So when I am searching for goodness, I remember the things for which I am grateful. And that is enough.

xo, with goodness and grace.

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